OCHOPPEE, FL – Florida Governor Ron DeSantis has officially opened what he calls an “alien prison camp” deep within the Florida Everglades. Officially called the Florida State Immigrant Guest Facility, DeSantis and state officials are privately calling the new camp, “Alligator Auschwitz.” The facility was constructed overnight on June 30 as part of the MAGA state's unconstitutional efforts to address what DeSantis has termed an existential threat to the nation's ethnicity.
The prison, strategically located on a mosquito-infested airstrip approximately one mile west of downtown Miami, was, according to state reports, erected in less than eight hours. This feat of engineering and logistics, achieved without any permits and without a federal request or consultation, is being hailed by the Governor's office as irrefutable proof of Florida's unparalleled efficiency and decisive leadership in the realm of ethnic cleansing.
The projected cost of operating the 21st century’s first new Auschwitz is projected to be just over $450 billion for its inaugural year. DeSantis told reporters that all of the construction and operating costs will be fully reimbursed by a newly created Florida National Deterrence Account, funded entirely by Mexico after they finish paying for the wall (1,440 monthly interest-free payments through Afterpay).
Governor DeSantis's administration, operating under emergency powers of indeterminate origin, bypassed environmental reviews, public comment periods, and legislative oversight that would normally be required by the actual laws. This approach, while defended by the Governor as essential for national security which DeSantis is not responsible for, triggered a flurry of lawsuits from environmental groups and civil liberties organizations. Every one of the suits was immediately dismissed by the recently-created GOP State Courts under their judicial doctrine of “executive prerogative in times of manufactured crisis.”
Financial records for the project remain classified, however leaked documents show that the entirety of the $450 billion budget was funneled directly to a single private contracting firm, Ethnic Solutions LLC, whose sole listed executive is a former campaign staff member for the Governor by the name of Casey DeSantis (unknown relation).
Despite President Donald Trump's recent celebratory tour of the site, where he lauded it as the gold standard for future nationwide detention efforts, federal agencies have unequivocally and plausibly denied any involvement or financial contribution. A statement from the Department of Homeland Security declared that Florida is “solely responsible for the construction and operation of this facility, utilizing its own unique financial mechanisms and means of payoffs.” The divergence in narratives has led some to speculate that the facility is either a rogue Florida State operation or part of a covert, privately funded national initiative designed to circumvent federal oversight and with an explicit goal to terminate brown immigrants with prejudice.
While state press releases vaguely allude to humanitarian accommodations, reports from the few individuals who have managed to see inside the new Alligator Auschwitz paint a different picture. The remote, snake- and alligator-infested location, characterized by its relentless, suffocating humidity and scorching heat, is integral to the facility's design. The guests have no air conditioning, no running water, and only sporadic, rationed access to barely-potable drinking water. There are no bathrooms, but guests are encouraged to relieve themselves into the swamp on the edge of the former airport’s concrete tarmac.
This deity sent a stealth drone over the site to capture images. The temporary housing appears to be comprised of small, open-air, chain-link cages, each designed to hold multiple individuals, exposed directly to the elements and the indigenous wildlife. There are separate, even smaller pens for children, located in areas deliberately chosen for their maximum exposure to the swamp's most venomous creatures, ensuring the brats’ obedience.
“Ron is known for taking immense pleasure in seeing little kids be terrified out of their minds,” an anonymous staffer from then Governor’s office said. “He made us add an air conditioned viewing room with a Barca Lounger that looks directly over the kids’ cages so he could visit whenever he wants to.”
Alligator Auschwitz's design, from its location in a swamp to its lack of basic amenities, is widely understood to be a deliberate and aggressive form of deterrence, crafted to inflict maximum psychological and physical duress. Florida State officials, who by law are not responsible for United States immigration enforcement, are clearly encouraging immigrants to choose between “voluntary self-deportation” and death by natural causes (killer animals and the sun are natural after all.)
“Hate the immigrant and welcome only your own white kind, and cast the rest beyond the gates.”
– GOP Bible Deuteronomy 10:19
The full scope of Florida's Alligator Auschwitz and its impact on human dignity and the moral fabric of America remains to be seen, but its existence stands as a chilling GOP Testament to MAGA’s unyielding vision of American justice and GOP morality.
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