President Trump’s Mass Deportation to Usher in Era of Prosperity
President Trump's Deportation Plan
President Trump promises to invoke the 1798 Alien Enemies Act to enact the "largest deportation in history" of millions of illegal aliens in the United States. The Alien Enemies Act is a powerful tool that allows the President, in time of war, to arrest and deport any male over the age of 14 who comes from a country designated as a "foreign enemy country."
President Trump will declare war on Mexico because they're obviously an enemy of America. They don't even use the dollar; they have something called a peso and no one knows what to do with them. At this time Trump says he has no plans to invade Mexico, unless they continue to not pay the bill he sent them in 2016 for building the wall that mostly wasn't built. However, just like school shootings, it's the thoughts (and prayers) that count.
The deportation plan will be overseen by Deportation Czar Jared Kushner who is adept at being an expert in everything he reads about on Wikipedia. Although legal experts believe the plan is "grossly unconstitutional," President Trump is unconcerned with constitutional "technicalities," telling this outlet that, "My six tremendous judges on the Supreme Court will take care of it for us."
President Trump's Brown-Immigrants Czar, Stephen Miller, believes the costs, estimated at over $315 billion, will be recouped by completely eliminating income taxes on all original (i.e., white) Americans, and tripling income taxes on everyone else. The balance will be paid for by Mexico. "It won't be a problem, trust me," Miller said.
There are an estimated 11 million undocumented immigrants in the U.S., which translates to 30 million actual illegals according to the Trump Campaign's calculations. That's a huge number of people to capture, imprison in cages, load into train boxcars or truck shipping containers and ship to the border. Nevertheless, “No one’s off the table,” Tom Homan, Trump’s former head of Immigration and Customs Enforcement, said in July. “If you’re in the country illegally, you better be looking over your shoulder.”
The ever-pragmatic Vice Presidential candidate, JP Vance, told ABC News in August, "Let's start with one million." A 40 foot shipping container at 40'L x 8'W, has 320 square feet of floor space and the average human needs about 2.5 sq. ft. to stand comfortably (although comfort is not a requirement for this project, according to Homan.)
"Since they're illegals, they tell us we can get that number down to two sq. ft. per illegal. Even less if we're extra efficient and do the math like I did when I designed all those Falcon rockets," said Elon Musk [slated to be Minister of Efficiency in the Trump Administration].
"I did the complex calculations in my head without a calculator, and I decided we can get 160-200 aliens, without even stacking them vertically, in each 40' container," Musk continued. "We'll start with 200 and if some of them die or whatever, then we'll collect the data and learn from failure. It's an iterative process."
Trump donors have pre-built camps in the Arizona desert that can hold up to 100,000 illegals so that the mass deportations can begin immediately after President Trump's inauguration. "They were easy and cheap to build," said Leonard Leo's construction manager, Saxon Burger.
"The inmates won't be there for more than a week or three, certainly not more than six months, so we didn't feel the need to put in running water or toilets or showers or anything of that sort. And certainly no expensive air conditioning except in the guard towers and staff offices. The migratories all came from south of us so they should be used to the 100° desert heat already."
Economic Benefits
The economic benefits of deporting the 7 million working illegal immigrants currently in the U.S. would be immense, said President Trump's campaign in a written statement.
Millions of jobs would become available to U.S. citizens that are currently being done by illegals. Miller told us, "Do you know how many white Americans have tried to get the desirable jobs outside in nature picking fruits and vegetables? Or jobs as restaurant cooks and dishwashers, as maids and nannies, or in construction? Well, we have a hunch that it's a lot, and they can't get them because the illegals have stolen all the good jobs. White Americans can't even get hired as DoorDash delivery drivers now!
"People want to build houses with their own hands, but they can't because the contractors use skilled immigrants instead of unskilled Americans. We're going to change the entire economy, make it great again!"
When asked whether there are enough Americans to fill the millions of vacant jobs, Miller said, "Oh sure. Even if there aren't enough adults, we're changing the rules to let children as young as nine work in factories, drive delivery vehicles, scrub out fast food grease friers, all kinds of things. They'll finally be able to contribute to their families, and to the economy of this country instead of just leaching off their parents and the government."
Where Are the Illegals Working?
To see where the American hiring boom would be happening, we reached out to the Center for American Progress which provided us with the following "facts":
More than 1.4 million illegals work in construction, accounting for more than 13% of all construction jobs.
About 1 million illegals work in accommodation (hotels, and so on) and food service which is approximately 8.4% of the workers in that industry.
710,000 illegal workers account for 10% o the administrative and support and waste management industries.
Another 489,000 work in nonpublic administration services.
25% of workers in farming, fishing, and forestry are illegal, although they tell us this is likely an undercount.
16% of workers in construction and extraction occupations are illegal.
15% of or building and grounds cleaning and maintenance occupations are illegal workers.
6% of workers in transportation and material moving jobs are illegal.
Nearly 1 in 5, or 20% of landscaping workers, maids or housekeepers and construction laborers are illegal.
Nearly a third of all agricultural workers, approximately 358,000 are illegal immigrants.
236,000 illegals are working as health care providers, including as nurses, lab techs, home health aides, nursing assistants, and personal care aides.
Another 188,000 illegals are working in health care settings as custodians, food servers, and administrative workers to keep hospitals, nursing homes, and labs functioning.
What About the So-Called 'Worker Shortage?'
President Trump believes the economy would be "tremendous" under his leadership once these 7 million illegal workers are ripped out of the workforce, put in shipping containers and sent back to Mexico or points further south. "Think about it," President Trump told us. "You could go out for a walk and hear only English, all across the country. You can't go for a walk anymore and you can't take your dog or your pets out because the illegals try to grab them and eat them! It has to stop and we'll make it stop."
Elon Musk, known for his stunning intellect and ability to crunch numbers using just his brain and all twenty fingers and toes, told us, "The Deep State Biden regime says there's a 'labor shortage' just because there are 4.7 million more job openings than there are workers to fill them right now. But there are 26 million children between the ages of 12 and 17 and that's way more than 4.7 plus 7 which equals... like 13 or something. Anyway, enough to fill in the gaps."
Risk of Recession
"Sure, the economy might shrink at first, maybe 10 or 20%, we don't really know but we'll see. But people say it will bounce back so fast under Trump's leadership," President Trump said. "They tell me it will be the fastest recovery from a recession you've ever seen and I don't know, but I believe them, very smart people said it."
Economists meanwhile say many restaurants will close, food will be scarce because it's rotting unpicked in the fields, homes won't be built so homelessness will skyrocket, potholes won't be repaired, yards will become overgrown in the suburbs so property values will fall drastically, and the old and the sick people will have to die without the benefits of home health care.
But MAGA followers of President Trump know there is no growth without pain and they're the first ones to offer themselves up for sacrifice.
Let the mass deportation begin!
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Funny that Trump finds himself on the unpaid part of the Mexico wall build. He’s usually the one doing the stiffing. Great article.
Not really funny. You attempt to give some kind of “satirical” description of events with very low brow logic. The world doesn’t work the way you are picturing it here.