Sorry, Trump is not Returnable
Voters' remorse is a thing
Americans have become accustomed to easy returns with no questions asked when they buy products but later change their mind. Unfortunately, that does not apply to Presidents.
According to Google Trends, searches for the phrase, “how to change my vote” peaked several times in the week after the election of Donald JP Trump to be the 47th President of the United States. In the chart below, a score of 100 reflects maximum demand in Google’s search engine.
We reached out to some of the folks to find out why they wanted to change their vote. Here are some of the responses we got:
I thought Trump cared about the working class but he actually only cares about Elon Musk who seems like his brofriend or something.
–Randy Bumkins, Eerie, PA
Trump said he is going to get us the money and finally give men a say. He seemed brilliant and had amazing passion. Now that he won though, he looks old and tired. I’m worried I made a mistake because he I think he has dementia. Is that curable?
–Liz Feckless, Plainfield, GA
No one told me he raped women and peeped on naked underage girls. Why didn’t they tell us that before the election?
–Holly Roller, West Valdosta, GA
I thought he was a Democrat from the way he was talking?
–Spencer Vacumity, West Palm Beach, FL
A common theme or Floridian respondents revolved around how men are treated:
Me and my buddies always feel picked on by all the women. I thought Trump would fix that by making women have rules and stuff that they have to do what we say but now he says it only applies to him and Matt Gaetz. We’re men too! We have needs!
-Billy-Bob Flatupent and friends, Janesville, WI
More recently, President Trump has started to announce his cabinet picks which has also given anyone with even the tiniest shred of human decency pause. These picks include: Matt Gaetz (Attorney General) who allegedly raped and sex-trafficked an underaged girl who still had braces and showed nude pictures of his girlfriend to other legislators on the floor of the U.S. House; Robert F. Kennedy Jr. (Health and Human Services Secretary) who doesn’t believe in vaccines, or really science or medicine in general; and Pete Hegseth (Secretary of Defense) who is a member of the Reconstructionist arm of right-wing Christians that believe in violently overthrowing every other religion on the planet and forcing their version of Christian biblical law on America and all other nation-states (aka, a modern-day Crusades). Oh, and Hegseth also has sexual assault charges in his past, so there’s that.
Other unserious and incompetent picks include Marco Rubio for Secretary of State; Kristi Noem for Department of Homeland Security Secretary (she shot her puppy in the face at the bottom of a gravel pit so apparently she’s “good on security”), war-monger Mike Huckabee as Ambassador to Israel (the Middle East is about to explode when Israel invades Iran with Trump’s blessing in 2025), Russian asset Tulsi Gabbard as Director of National Intelligence (Putin is especially happy with this pick because now he gets to see all classified U.S. secrets without having to steal them first), and Tom Homan as “Border Czar,” who we wrote about previously.
And while not technically a government employee, Trump has appointed Elon Musk to head up a “Department of Government Efficiency” or “DOGE” to find and cut waste in the federal government. Voters have taken note of the fact that the name DOGE comes from a meme crypto coin that started as an immature online joke which makes it hard to believe that Trump or Musk are taking their soon-to-be-new jobs seriously.
Voters have figured out that now that he’s won, Trump and his oligarch friends are going to raid the federal treasury to enrich themselves and that they in fact don’t care two wits about their MAGA voters.
As this calvacade of competent grifters but incompetent administrators has come out, more and more voters have realized that they made a terrible, terrible mistake and now want to revoke their vote. Sadly, that’s not the way America (or should we say, Trumperica) works.
Sorry MAGA, you own this now.
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